apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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