Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
