my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
