you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
