dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
