I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
