Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
