i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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