Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
