i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
