Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
