Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
