Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We left the knife in your bed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Pooping to opera.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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