sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
