Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
