I like to think it a success when the cops are called
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
