he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
