i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
