I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
