well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
