Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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