I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
