Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I sprained my soul last night
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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