Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This girl is more easily done than said...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
