You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dignity is for republicans.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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