Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
