I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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