ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
