Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
