My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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