I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize