dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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