where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
