idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
