Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
