Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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