Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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