Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
