remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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