She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
