wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
True strength comes from lack of pants
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
