Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
