Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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