hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
