she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
