VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
