Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
