Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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