you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
