i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
