Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
