Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
