I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So here I am, sexting at work.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize