Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
