your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
