so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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