I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
