Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize