Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
