we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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