i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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