sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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