Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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