Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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