God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hippo gnu deer
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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