So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
