Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
