just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
