I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize