I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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