The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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