your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
