Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
