Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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