the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
