the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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